Grief 101
by
Peggy Sweeney

Although most adults associate grief with the death of someone loved, this is not the only reason we grieve. It is important to note that grief follows any traumatic event; such as, a divorce, a life-threatening or debilitating illness or injury, an abusive relationship. The list of grief-generating experiences is endless.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a world-renowned expert in the field of death and dying, is credited with the development of the Five Stages of Grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many people believe that these stages, if followed in succession, will resolve grief. Unfortunately for those of us who have experienced a loss or emotional trauma this is not necessarily true. Grief is not just the emotions and feelings we have during or immediately following a loss. Grief has no set time pattern nor does it ever go away completely. It can, however, be an instrument of learning about love, life, and living. Grief can have a positive or negative impact on our lives. Grief is choices. We can choose to journey through our grief and at the end of our journey emerge a better person for having experienced grief (positive) or we can stuff it within are very being, try to ignore it, and fail to receive its rewards (negative).

We must also keep in mind that everyone responds to grief differently. No two people will react to a shared grief experience in the same way. Although we may share similar feelings and emotions with other family members, friends, and co-workers, many factors will determine the end result of our personal reactions to trauma and grief; namely, how the loss occurred, our emotional involvement with the person or event, our previous loss experiences, and what lessons we learned as children for coping with emotions and feelings. Please bear in mind that your individual responses to grief are both normal and natural and not a sign of weakness or the inability to carry out your daily responsibilities.

The grieving process is very necessary to heal the mind and spirit. Grief involves the whole person; the physical, mental, emotional as well as the spiritual self. It is not governed by a set of rules that, if followed consecutively, will erase the grief. In other words, you do not deal with one emotion or feeling and move on to the next. You do not deal with anger or sorrow for a few days and check it off your list. Rather, you flow back and forth between some of the same—or previously unacknowledged—emotions and feelings until, after many months or even years, you come to the end of your grief journey. The intensity and duration of your individual grieving process is comparative to the loss. This means that the more emotionally involved you are with the person or event, the deeper the emotional trauma and grief.

In future articles of From the heart, we will explore the many facets of grief, the reasons that we grieve, our reactions to loss and trauma as well as healing our grief. We will discuss a wide range of topics and issues that can debilitate the human spirit and prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest. Eventually, you should come to the realization that unpleasant events can and often do have a very negative effect on your emotional health and physical well-being. However, as your mentor for understanding grief, I will offer positive coping skills and resources to help you resolve many of these issues. I hope that you will use these articles as a reference to help you cope with your personal grief and loss issues. Please feel free to contact me with comments or suggestions for future articles.

Copyright Peggy Sweeney. All rights reserved.

 About the Author: Peggy is a funeral director and bereavement educator with Grimes Funeral Chapels in Kerrville and formerly a firefighter and EMT-B. Since 1990, Peggy has developed and conducted numerous workshops that offer help to families and professionals coping with life-altering events. Her seminars address difficult topics such as grief, divorce, abuse, addiction, long-term illness, and the quality of life. A special program, Grieving Behind the Badge, deals with the emotional wellness of emergency response and public safety professionals. Peggy hosts monthly support groups for bereaved spouses as well as parents who have had a child or children die. If you would like additional information about these support groups, please contact Peggy at 830-257-4544 or through e-mail at peggy@grimesfuneralchapels.com.