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  I
wish you could have known my dad. He was a
great man; kind, gentle, compassionate,
loving. He taught me to enjoy all the good
things in life and to believe in the magic
of Christmas and the wonders of Santa
Clause. I guess that’s why I’m probably one
of the oldest kids who still believe Santa
travels on a sleigh and brings presents.
Growing up on the south side of Chicago,
Christmas was always the best time of the
year! Daddy would take my little brother,
sister, and me to pick out the traditional
Christmas tree. Every year the tree seemed
bigger and better than ever before. We would
return home boasting of our find and mom
would stand at the front door shaking her
head and stating—with a grin—that we would
never get that tree through the door. She
would no doubt be vacuuming pine needles
until at least April or May.
Dad
would put the lights on the tree. Mom and
the kids would decorate it with ornaments
that we had made or collected over the
years. Daddy would spend hours and hours
putting tinsel on the tree—one strand at a
time. I, on the other hand, would become
bored within minutes of starting this task
and toss my wad of tinsel into the tree. I
later realized that patience was one of his
best virtues.
When dad was satisfied with his job, he
would announce that he was finished. That
was my cue. I would race through the house
summoning my mom and siblings to come and
see the tree in its glorious splendor. Every
light in the house would be extinguished
except for those on the tree. We would sit
on the couch all snuggled together and "ooh"
and "aah" at how great the tree looked. Mom
would even admit that it was the prettiest
ever. A hush would settle over our little
family and dad would quietly tell us,
"Always remember, this is Christmas.”
Twenty-nine years after his death, I still
miss my daddy very much especially during
the holiday season. He is no longer here to
share in family traditions. Certain
Christmas carols make me melancholy. I miss
the happy times our family shared together
with him. I feel cheated that my children
never knew the warmth and love their
grandfather so easily gave. I wish he were
here to hang the tinsel, snuggle and cuddle,
and make Christmas as it once was years ago.
The
holiday season for many of us is not always
a happy and joyful time as the television
and radio commercials would want us to
believe. Christmas and Hanukah may cause
stress and anxiety. In addition to our busy
lives, we must add to this all the
preparation needed to make the holidays a
success. Even with all the bright lights and
music, it can be a very painful time for
families who have experienced a traumatic
event over the past year. It is not unusual
for them to be reluctant to participate in
the festivities. If you are having trouble
coping because someone you love has died, I
offer the following suggestions.
I
encourage you to have a family meeting now
to discuss what traditions need to remain in
place and which ones need to be altered. You
may wish to add something new this year. You
don’t have to put up a tree, send Christmas
cards, or have an elaborate family dinner.
If you choose to exchange gifts, do not
hesitate to seek the aid of friends to do
your shopping or, better yet, order your
gifts from catalogues.
To
help ease the pain of your grief, set aside
a special place in your home to honor the
person who has died. Display their picture
or create a memory album with pictures and
memorabilia of their life. Make a wall
hanging or small quilt using pieces of their
clothing. Buy a special candle and light it
in memory of them. Do something—a charitable
contribution, flowers for your church,
buying food or clothing for someone less
fortunate—in memory of your loved one
If
you decide to have a special family dinner,
you may want to set a place at the table in
honor of the deceased person. Before you
begin your meal, ask everyone to share a
memory of this loved one. Give yourself
permission to cry and laugh. It is okay to
cancel the holidays this year if you so
desire. Everyone needs to decide what’s
important for them and the best ways to cope
with the upcoming holiday season. Remember
that everyone grieves in their own way; what
works for one person may not be the answer
for someone else. It is imperative to start
making your plans now.
If
there are young children in the family, they
will need to experience the fun of the
holidays even though they are grieving. Seek
the help of friends and family members to
assist you in providing the necessary
magical happiness that can be outlets for
their young grief.
Over the years, I have learned what my dad
really meant when he said, "this is
Christmas.” As a child I thought he
meant how the lights on the tree appeared to
glow as we sat in the darkened room or that
the tree was beautiful even though it was
bare in places and the trunk was not
straight. What daddy really taught me was
that Christmas isn't trees with colorful
lights and tinsel or shopping 'til you’ve
dropped or brightly wrapped presents.
Christmas is love and caring. Christmas is
the warmth of family and friends as they
gather to share life and laughter. Christmas
is caring for those less fortunate.
Christmas is tears and precious memories of
times gone by. Christmas is wishes and
prayers, sadness and joy. Christmas is hope.
May your holiday season by filled with love
and warm hugs.
Copyright Peggy
Sweeney. All rights reserved.
Previous Articles:
Let Us Give Thanks
Grief 101
About the
Author: Peggy is a funeral
director and bereavement educator with
Grimes Funeral Chapels in Kerrville and
formerly a firefighter and EMT-B. Since
1990, Peggy has developed and conducted
numerous workshops that offer help to
families and professionals coping with
life-altering events. Her seminars address
difficult topics such as grief, divorce,
abuse, addiction, long-term illness, and the
quality of life. A special program, Grieving
Behind the Badge, deals
with the emotional wellness of emergency
response and public safety professionals.
Peggy hosts monthly support groups for
bereaved spouses as well as parents who have
had a child or children die. If you would
like additional information about these
support groups, please contact Peggy at
830-257-4544 or through e-mail at peggy@grimesfuneralchapels.com.
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