|
 No
one should walk the road of grief alone. Yet
everyday adults and children must cope with
the pain of grief by themselves. Grief can
be a very frightening and overwhelming
experience filled with an array of emotions
and feelings. This article will explore our
reactions to grief as well as offer advice
for coping with day-to-day struggles.
Grief affects
us physically, mentally, emotionally, and
spiritually. Grief is similar to a roller
coaster ride in the dark. We never know from
one moment to the next which reaction or
combination of reactions will overpower us.
Following are some of the numerous grief
reactions you may experience:
Physical
reactions –
sighing,
shortness of breath, a change in eating
habits, weight loss or gain, headaches, loss
of energy, apathy, illness, gastrointestinal
problems, sleeplessness, crying or
uncontrollable sobbing, gut-wrenching pain.
Mental or
spiritual reactions -
selfishness
or egocentric focus, distracted thought
patterns, short attention span,
auditory/visual hallucinations (we think we
hear or see the person who has died),
regressed actions (may become childlike or
more dependent on others), suicidal
thoughts, loss of interest in socializing,
overprotection of our children (especially
when a child has died), a loss of faith or
religious beliefs.
Emotional –
depression,
fear, resentment, powerlessness, emotional
numbness, withdrawal, blaming, frustration,
anger, guilt.
Each
person will react to grief and loss
differently. Your individual reactions are
defined by previous experiences as well as
your coping skills. You may feel at times as
if you are functioning on automatic pilot or
are in a daze. Your senses may seem numb.
You may cry uncontrollably, be short
tempered, or be unable to cope with simple
tasks. There may be occasions when you feel
as if your insides have been ripped out. The
pain you feel physically as well as
emotionally seems never ending. You believe
you will never be happy again. Your grief
may shake the foundation of your religious
beliefs. You find yourself playing the “what
if?” game and endlessly searching for
answers to why.
Guilt and
anger play a major role in grieving. They
are normal, healthy reactions. You may feel
guilty for unkind actions or words spoken in
haste towards the person who has died. You
may regret the opportunities you’ve missed
to spend quality time with them before their
death. You may be angry due to the
circumstances surrounding their death
(suicide, homicide, etc.). You may find that
you are angry with them for dying and
leaving you alone. Discontent within a
family during or following the funeral may
cause undue emotional stress. Nonetheless,
guilt and anger can be the driving force
that motivates you to get out of bed in the
morning and live another day. It is not
wrong to feel guilt or anger; however, you
do not use them as an excuse to inflict pain
on yourself or others.
Grieve in
your own way and in your own time. I
recommend keeping a journal or diary. Write
down your thoughts and feelings on a regular
basis. This will help you realize that you
are progressing in your grief. Compose
letters to your loved one or list simple
accomplishments you’ve mastered; such as
doing chores around the house, participating
in social activities with friends, or just
enjoying the glories of nature. We become so
burdened with grief that we forget to
celebrate the simple things in life.
Laughter is good for healing grief as well.
I do not expect you to laugh and reinvest in
life and living quickly. This will take
time; whatever time you need. Your
grief journey may take many months or even
years. You will never be the person you were
before your grief journey began. I promise
you though that if you are willing to do
what it will take to heal your grief, the
pain will subside. You will be able
to smile and be happy again. Grief has the
power to help you become a more sensitive,
loving, and caring person.
Read articles
and books on grief. A bereavement support
group or speaking with a minister, priest,
or rabbi can also be of help. Avoid
excessive alcohol or addictive drugs. They
may temporarily dull your pain but they will
do nothing to heal your grief. Exercise and
eat healthy. If you are having trouble
sleeping, drink a glass of warm milk or
listen to soothing music.
If you have a
special friend who is willing to walk with
you through your grief journey hold their
hand tightly. They will guide you around the
obstacles in your path. They will surround
you with love and lift you up when your days
are long and lonely. This special friend can
reaffirm your simple achievements and
acknowledge that you are making progress in
healing.
The road to
healing grief is filled with many hurdles
and detours. Family and friends may find
life just as challenging and painful as you.
Keep in mind that no two people will deal
with feelings and emotions in the same
manner. Do not be surprised to find that
some of your acquaintances may tire of your
seemingly long journey. People expect you to
be over it (grief) in a short period of
time. Do not plan to have your grief healed
by a certain date (i.e., six months, the
anniversary of the death, etc.). Take
whatever time you need. It is
important for you to acknowledge all
your feelings. Do not feel ashamed or weak
as the result of your emotions or
expressions of grief. Seek out someone who
will walk with you and guide you through
your journey. Take hold of their strong hand
and lean on them. Let them help you survive
your grief.
Copyright Peggy
Sweeney. All rights reserved.
Previous Articles:
Surviving
the Holidays
Let Us Give Thanks
Grief 101
About the
Author: Peggy is a funeral
director and bereavement educator with
Grimes Funeral Chapels in Kerrville and
formerly a firefighter and EMT-B. Since
1990, Peggy has developed and conducted
numerous workshops that offer help to
families and professionals coping with
life-altering events. Her seminars address
difficult topics such as grief, divorce,
abuse, addiction, long-term illness, and the
quality of life. A special program, Grieving
Behind the Badge, deals
with the emotional wellness of emergency
response and public safety professionals.
Peggy hosts monthly support groups for
bereaved spouses as well as parents who have
had a child or children die. If you would
like additional information about these
support groups, please contact Peggy at
830-257-4544 or through e-mail at peggy@grimesfuneralchapels.com.
|
