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 Throughout
our life we meet hundreds of people. Our
emotional connection varies with each life
that we touch. Some of these people are mere
acquaintances, while others become very
close friends and confidants. This article
will explore the many levels of emotional
involvement as well as different types of
grief.
Our
initial exposure to friendship and emotional
bonding begins at birth. As infants and
toddlers, we associate with parents,
siblings, and other family members. As
school children, we interact with
classmates, teachers, and peers. During our
formative years, we define our relationships
with people by their special qualities and
personalities. We prefer to socialize with
family members and friends who share similar
interests or make us feel good about
ourselves. As adults, we may have many
friends but usually we have only one or two
best friends. These special people
make an indelible impression on our hearts.
We share quiet moments and intimate thoughts
with them that we do not share with casual
friends. They love us unconditionally. This
feeling is mutual. Invisible ties that can
never be broken bind us. Our lives become
deeply intertwined. We cannot imagine life
without them.
Some relationships are characterized by
unique traits and cannot be easily defined.
It is difficult for us to put into words
what makes certain relationships special
nonetheless we understand the concepts
completely. An example of this is the
special bond between a parent and a child or
siblings. The depth and breath of these
unions last a lifetime and are not easily
shattered. In addition to the unique family
bonds, some friendships are as tightly knit
as if they were a parent-child or sibling
relationship. We all have a friend or if we
are very lucky, several friends whom we
think of more like a brother or sister,
mother or father than just a friend. It is
important to remember that these uniquely
bonded relationships will define the way a
person grieves when this person dies. The
stronger the emotional bond, the deeper our
grief is when he or she dies.
When someone dies, we do not mourn just
their death but the relationship we had with
them. We grieve the loss of the defining
elements of our association with them. We
mourn their smile, their laugh, their
gentleness, or their strength. We grieve
because we know that we will never feel
their hugs or hear their words of
encouragement again. We have lost perhaps
the most important person in our life and we
must now continue our journey through life
alone.
When my dad died many years ago, I did not
grieve just for the person I knew as Charles
Sweeney. His death took away the role he
played in my life as father, mentor,
confidant, and grandfather to my daughter. I
had to cope with and grieve the loss of our
relationship as father and daughter as well
as the emotions and feelings that were
special betweens us.
There are no easy answers for dealing with
grief. Although we try to give the illusion
to those around us that we are easily moving
on or coping with our grief, we must realize
that our grief will take many years to heal.
Just because we would like to end the pain
of grief quickly it is not that simple. We
cannot wave a magic wand and expect things
to be normal. Life as we knew it will never
be the same. Normal will need to be
redefined for each one of us in our own way
and in our own time.
It
is easy for those who were not intimately
touched by grief to assume that all is well
with those who are grieving. Do not be
fooled! It will be necessary, almost
imperative, for those who grieve to be
offered help for coping with their grief.
Support groups, classes in grief recovery,
books on grief, and other resources such as
these are very important and must be
continued on a routine basis over the next
several years if necessary.
Healing grief is not an easy task. Although
your pain and sorrow is overwhelming today
with help you will resolve your grief. Never
forget that even in death the ties that bind
are very strong. Memories can never be taken
away. Love is forever.
Copyright Peggy
Sweeney. All rights reserved.
Previous Articles:
Survivors of Suicide
Take My
Hand and Let Us Walk Together
Surviving
the Holidays
Let Us Give Thanks
Grief 101
About the
Author: Peggy is a funeral
director and bereavement educator with
Grimes Funeral Chapels in Kerrville and
formerly a firefighter and EMT-B. Since
1990, Peggy has developed and conducted
numerous workshops that offer help to
families and professionals coping with
life-altering events. Her seminars address
difficult topics such as grief, divorce,
abuse, addiction, long-term illness, and the
quality of life. A special program, Grieving
Behind the Badge, deals
with the emotional wellness of emergency
response and public safety professionals.
Peggy hosts monthly support groups for
bereaved spouses as well as parents who have
had a child or children die. If you would
like additional information about these
support groups, please contact Peggy at
830-257-4544 or through e-mail at peggy@grimesfuneralchapels.com.
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